


Legolas knew what he was doing.

by usedkarma



Category: Hawkeye (Comics), The Avengers (Marvel Movies), Thor (Movies)
Genre: Darcyland Secret Santa 2015, F/M, dlss2015
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-12-28
Updated: 2015-12-28
Packaged: 2018-05-09 23:27:00
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,654
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5559889
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/usedkarma/pseuds/usedkarma
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>This is a darcy/clint soulmates!AU, with Clint somehow closer to the comics, not AoU compliant at all. I tried to put two tropes together.<br/>special thanks to : @ neverending-shenanigans, for the discussion leading to have an epiphany for this story (I even let a little sentence of hers in there) and to @pinkpandorafrog who valiantly volunteered to beta and edit this fic, a true hero!</p>
            </blockquote>





	Legolas knew what he was doing.

**Author's Note:**

  * For [ozhawk](https://archiveofourown.org/users/ozhawk/gifts).



He had enjoyed ten years of being totally irresponsible. Tasha can attest to that, she had a front row to every stupid habit and decision he had made these last few years. The Avengers were the beginning of him doing something a little bit more… adult-ish (well, by his standards, anyway).

"I can't believe I'm doing this. It was the first I bought myself. Why am I doing this again?" He mournfully put away a toy in the bag at his feet. Natasha just raised an eyebrow, he could feel the mockery. "Oh yeah, I said I wanted to grow up and get my act together yadda yadda yadda."

"Look, being an adult doesn't mean not having hobbies or being passionate about something. You're the one being fixated on getting rid of your geek stuff, not me." Clint sighed; she just didn't see it, but he needed to change. The media were starting to get interested in him, and it was getting to a ridiculous point where the constant criticism was affecting him. He was the equivalent of a human pizza rat.

"Nope, I need a change! You can't rock this boat of self-realization, sister!"

Natasha just shrugged and went to open his fridge, just to recoil in disgust. "I think you have a dead animal in there." 

Clint came to her shoulder to peer inside, "Nope, that is just Patrick, the Gouda."

"You have a sentient cheese named Patrick?" she asked.

"We all try making a family at our own pace, Tash. Respect my lactose bro, please."

OooOOOoooo

"I don't think you should do it, Darcy. This guy could be a serial killer. I mean, who collects only Legolas collectibles?" Jane was writing on her white board a new equation but managed to berate her assistant at the same time.

"The kind who clearly love the most badass character ever? And, don't worry mom, we're meeting in a public place and I have my taser." Since relocating to New York, it seemed Jane became the second mother she never wanted to have. Not that it wasn't cute how she always seemed to text Darcy to know her location at the exact time she had several cups of coffee in her hands. So cute.

"Then tell me who schedules a meeting at the Dancing Crane Cafe to exchange toys like a couple of regular drug lords?” Jane was pinching her lips and frowning with her eyebrows. One of her hands was on her hips and the other was slapping her thigh to accentuate each word.

“Did you have secret meetings with my mom behind my back? Did she share all of her mom-methods with you?”

Jane just rolled her eyes at that, another weird common reaction Darcy’s mother had when faced with her daughter’s actions. “You should bring Thor with you or, at least, Erik!” 

She snorted at the suggestions. Thor would be too intimidating and prone to make her miss the sweet collection she planned to buy for the best price she came across. And Erik…he would probably take off his pants and scare the children with his own mini zoo of the downstairs variety.

“No, nope, non and thank you! I’ll have my Taser and wear the Stark panic button Thor gave the two of us and that’s it, lady!” She was already gathering her purse and heading out. Jane could only growl in annoyance at being so easily ignored.

“Fine, but don’t haunt my ass if you get killed!” she yelled at Darcy’s retreating back.

“I’ll only haunt Captain America’s fine ass so you’re safe, girlfriend!” the assistant yelled back once in the closing elevator.

“Whatever, you ungrateful wench,” grunted Jane, already taking one of the three pens tucked in her hair to finish an equation.

OoOoOOoo

It was a nice afternoon in May. People were milling around at the Central Park Zoo, enjoying the nice pollen-filled air of spring. Clint couldn’t help but feel a little ambivalent about letting go of his favorite figurines collection. He was starting to regret it when, sitting at the café terrace, he spotted something definitively strange advancing in a row towards the crowd.

“Mom? Why is there robot-nuns on roller-skates in the zoo?” Clint heard what the kid beside him asked his mom, and if he didn’t see it himself, he might have found it funny.

But there definitively were robot-nuns on roller-skates in the zoo, and they looked totally pissed-off and ready to chopped someone with their nasty knife-like hands!

People were starting to run in the opposite direction from where the killing machines were coming from, screams and agitation were the soundtrack to the panicking crowd. Clint sighed loudly and pushed his Avengers signal button.

“Hawkeye, what’s the situation?” asked the calm voice of Vision, the newly alive android in charge of the communications for the day.

“Do we know any villain capable of unleashing robot-nuns in the middle of the Central Park Zoo by any chance? Someone really not digging the sunshine, happiness, and fluffy animals?” He was clutching his bag to his chest while searching for his bow and arrows. No way he was going to let the goods out of protection.

"It seems that once again, Victor Von Doom wants to wreak chaos on New York City. I have a visual on him at our facility, we are also under attack. I am sending Black Widow to help you, but I'm afraid the rest of the team is otherwise occupied."

Clint swore under his breath, he had to be quick if he wanted the least casualties possible. he looked at his bag in dismay.

"Where to put it, where to put it...AH!" He found a garbage can, solidly fixated on the ground and sturdy enough that it would be a great hiding spot for his precious cargo. He started running towards it, avoiding people on the way. When he finally reached it, he took out food wrappers to make some space, then as carefully as possible, hid his bag inside.

"What's in that bag and why are you hiding it in here?" He looked up in consternation; of course his fucked up destiny would have put those exact same words on his torso and, of course, it would have been because of the fucking robot-nun apocalypse!

Just then, a screaming man in a tiger costume ran by them and told the young woman who spoke Clint's soul mate mark "MOTHERFUCKING RUN, PEASANTS!"

"Please don't argue with the tiger, you have to leave right now! You are not safe from those robot-nuns."

Two big blue eyes looked at him with pure fury, behind black rimmed glasses. Her lips pinched in an angry moue and one fist on her hips completed the look. "You mean you are the one who left me with this monstrosity of a soulmate marking on my body that didn't even made sense for most of my life?" 

Clint winced in sympathy; not his fault crappy situations followed him like beer always followed hot wings! "Look, kid..."

She lifted a hand up, "Woah, woah, Dude! You do NOT want to begin this way! I'm 26 and I have a mean biting habit when frustrated with patronizing stocked strangers."

He was about to answer her when she blocked the head of one of the metal nun and snatched it with a triumphant valkyrie cry. She let it fall at his feet and he couldn't look away from her. "Gawd you are hot." 

She smirked at his reaction while brushing a rebellious strand of hair from her face. "I know." Their exchange fell short when more robots came their way. 

Realizing she wasn't going to run away after she got out a very illegal Stark tech Taser, he got out his special Avengers-connected glasses and his bow. Now back to back, they went for it, fighting left and right the machines. Von Doom was not Ultron, they were actually pretty lame and easy to dispose of so when Natasha came in blazing glory on the back of one nun, Clint, and his mysterious soulmate had decimated the almost entirety of the bots.

"You are my hero!” Clint soulmate gushed and he couldn’t help but smile in self-satisfaction, 

“Yeah well, this is my job.” he answered before realizing she was talking to Natasha. “Yeah, okay, it’s fair,” he simply shrugged and went to retrieve his bag hidden in the garbage.

Seeing this, Natasha let out a sharp laugh. “I guess you’ll keep your Legolas stuff now then?” 

As soon as Clint’s partner said this, his soulmate’s eyes bugged out. “PurplePants123?” she exclaimed, her head on one side, studying Clint with a raised eyebrow.

“LegoTsrrgrrl?” he answered, just as shocked.

“Wait? You mean my soulmate is a lotr fanboy? And on an almost same level of creepiness as me? Sweet!” Clint was still processing that information when she held out her hand to him. “I’m Darcy Lewis, the person Fate chose to pair you with and the lady that wanted to buy your fantastic collection.” She was smiling but stopped when he stood for too long without saying anything or shaking her hand. The bag was on the ground between them.

Natasha stopped smiling too (well alright, smirking), and cursed when Clint ran away like a frightened goose without any kind of explanation to the girl. She didn’t chase after him, knowing she would find him in a bigger garbage or eating a pizza with Lucky in his dump of an apartment later.

She closed the distance with Darcy and put a reassuring gloved hand on the girl. “His name is Clint Barton aka Hawkeye aka Big Dumb Idiot. He’s going through something, namely an identity crisis. The good thing is, you get the keep the goodies for free. The bad news is, I can’t promise you he won’t be doing stupid things for the rest of his life.”

Darcy’s smile was bittersweet, but she got down to take the bag in her arms. She looked at the Black Widow with a calm determination and said, “Bring him to the Stark Labs, 67th floor, tomorrow at noon.”

“Ooh, I like you already.”

OooOOoOO

“That’s weird, Cho’s labs are not on this floor.” Clint was in the elevator the next day with Natasha. She had said that doctor Cho asked for him to see her for examinations after his run-in with Von Doom’s machines. He thought it logical.

“Stark got this grand idea of renovating her space work. Apparently he is still giving her gift for making Jarvis a real boy. She usually complains, but he promised her new tech.”

“Smart woman. Always let Stark giving you new toys to play with. I am still discovering new options on my bow, did you know that…” The doors opened and Natasha really didn’t want to spend more hours of listening to Clint talking about his bow so she marched past him.

“You never let talk about my bow!” he complained (well, whined), but Natasha had a mission and if she named it ‘Mission Don’t Let Clint Ruin His Life By Being An Idiot Again’ she was the only one who knew.

She leads him directly to the Hulk containment chamber; Darcy sent her a text that morning all about how she and Foster disguised the chamber into an innocent infirmary. Did she say she really liked the girl? She freaking does.

“Sit there, don’t move,” She instructed, pointing to a medical bed inside. Clint obeyed because that’s what you do with Nat and waited. Then, she pushed the button outside the chamber and he watched, perplexed, as his only way out was shut tight.

“Nat? Is this normal? Was I dosed with something deadly?” Natasha, standing on the other side just looked at him blandly. “OH MY GOD! AM I going to die?” His eyes bugged out and Natasha just sighed.

“No, genius, this is an intervention. The universe is flipping you the bird for your ludicrous attempts at being a so-called ‘adult.’” She left him swiftly, and another person entered the room to stand where she had been.

“Oh.” Darcy had a contrite smile on her face and he could understand why; nobody likes being rejected by their soulmate. “Hey. Fancy meeting you here,” he tried to joke.

“You know, you have this obsession of finally becoming an adult like it’s the meaning of your future respectability, but the true meaning of the word is just someone that has grown to their full size and full strength. Also, more probably someone who is going to grow in the middle, but I think you are safe with all the avenging you’re doing.” Her eyes were mischievous and the glint they had in them made him thirsty to know her. Everything in her made him excited and giddy but compared to her youthful energy, he felt dim and wary.

“Do you know how old I am?” He asked her, one palm against the glass.

“Are we counting in human years or Barney years?” She tried to joke and Clint pushed himself from the partition in restlessness.

“See? That joke is fantastic! And the fact that I could have thought of it myself makes me doubtful of our future! We have too much in common! The two of us together would be a succession of bad puns, jokes, pranks and possibly mortal danger for everyone involved! And you’re gorgeous!” He came closer to her, his eyes taking her from head to toe, “You’re a work of art, babe. I won’t be able to resist you, you’ll win every argument and we’ll end up with either too many pets or too many kids. Or both.”

She couldn’t help but letting out a brilliant smile, his vision of their future was what she always wanted and he was perfect for her, she just knew it in her guts (and her lady parts weren’t saying no either to all that). “Maybe we can try to be two halves of adults and make a decent one together? And in the meantime have great adventures?”

OoOooO

Jane passed the popcorn to Natasha, both watching the monitor and listening to their friends romantic reunion with avid curiosity.

“Dibs on the first child’s name,” announced Natasha. 

Jane doesn’t even turn to face her, her mouth busy with the sugared corn. “What if it’s a boy, though?”

Natasha just shrugged her shoulders. “Natasha can be a boy name.”

Jane shrugged her own shoulders. “Jane’s pretty manly too, they can make it work.”

They both let out a shout of triumph when Darcy let out Clint of the chamber and they started kissing. But when his hands traveled to the woman’s hips and she directed him to the bed, the two women hastily shut down the monitor in panic

“Cut the sound! CUT THE SOUND!” cried Jane.

OoOooO

“...And that’s how your parents, two parts of a whole, met. Now, go brush your teeth and bed-bed!”

“Babe? You’re ready?” Clint rose up from their couch and brushed some invisible dust from his costume. He grabbed his bow and arrows and went to join Darcy at the door.

“You are the most awesome Legolas I’ve ever seen,” he told her, admiring her form in the Elf costume. She smiled prettily at him and kissed him briefly.

“And you are the most fetching Tauriel of them all, honey. You told Lucky his story?” Their dog turned his head to the side from his position on the couch.

“He loves it when I tell him how we met.”

Darcy just ‘awwed’ at him and waved at the dog. “Bye baby! See you later! Mommy and Daddy have a contest to win!” They closed the door behind them and the bedroom door opened revealing Natasha.   
She sat down near Lucky and put the tv on. “I can’t believe they call themselves your mom and dad. Weirdos.”

**Author's Note:**

> I am so very happy I got to do something for @ozhawkauthor, who is talented, truly one of the nicest person in the fandom and a mutual follower of mine. Happy Holidays! I hope you'll like what I wrote for this Darcy Lewis Secret Santa.


End file.
